misses

anyway, i watched spiderman 3 as part of mother's day celebration part 1. tis was one of the many things we promised to do together but time wasn't on our side. amex booked 2 whole theaters at engwah n there's free popcorn for staff! haha.. bri was the sweetest! he lied to say he was going to the toilet but went to buy me my fav nachos with extra cheese. he was also there to pull down my skirt whenever i'm in danger of zao geng-ing n was ever-ready to grasp my hand each time i screamed when something i-dun-define-as-pretty pop up on the silver screen.

i didn't cry when mary jane was forced to break-up with peter parker to save his life. i didn't cry when the sandman got all emotional over his dying daughter. i didn't cry when peter became such a jerk in trying to humilate mary jane. i didn't cry when the handsome harry died in place of nerdy peter.

i cried when harry said to spiderman...
"her kiss, it tasted like ............ strawberry."

n bri looked at me as if i was possessed.

i miss cuddles in the darkened cinema.

i miss hugs frm behind me on the escalator.

i miss sleeping on someone's shoulder.

i miss having a chest to cry on.

i miss my leaning mrt support.

i miss having a lap to lie on.

i miss long, lingering kisses.

i miss hot, passionate ones.

i miss a larger hand clasping mine.

i miss the comforting 'clang' of the rings.

i miss the protective arm across my waist.

i miss having fingers in my hair.

i miss my travelling companion.

i miss my bubble tea shaker.

i miss having someone to satisfy my cravings.

i miss my saturday outings.

i miss flirty/whiney/random smses.

i miss having morning video calls.

i miss having late night chats.

i miss having someone to call when i hv nightmares.

i miss heart-to-heart talks.

i miss hearing sweet nothings.

i miss chic for men.

i miss playing with floppy fringes.

i miss teasing unshaven stubble.

i miss having to sulk.

i miss having to wait.

i miss him.

xoxo, joy.

my moodswings is sooo not gonna help the both of us. i kinda regret the formality of the email i sent earlier. but then again, i'm known for being unpredictable. i'm known for not thinking of others. i'm known for acting on impulse. i'm known for having zero discipline. tt explains my confused mind.

alisa wrote tis on her blog. i dunno how accurately it applies to her but i tink it fits us perfectly:

"when we talked about a lot of stuff, when you just listened while i talked. but it was a one sided thing. you shared my problems, but i didnt share yours. you didnt complain about unfairness, you didnt argue that i was overbearing. i think i am, i think i am stubborn, i think i am too selfish. but you didnt mind. you accepted me for who i was."

n i found a part. a part abt me (i tink). a part which my mei can phrase so eloquently tt i cried while reading it.

"mummy was telling her she deserved better. and i thought, he's nice, what's wrong? it turned out, there is no forever. maybe there is, but it's not the same definition. forever is probably a month or two, not everlasting. memories stay, but fade over time."

my baby sis has grown up so fast. it makes me wonder if i hv changed tt much over the yrs too. coz it appears tt her level of maturity has far surpassed mine. or mayb i'm just too childish for my own age. then again, i wonder if i'll ever hv the courage n strength to move on like she has. i hv nv seen her cry but tt doesn't mean she is inexperienced. it just means, she is braver. it just means, i'm overly-protected. by my parents, my frens, the exes n for the first time, i feel scared. coz i hv come to care for someone more than i care for myself.

NOTE: my previous entry hv lead some ppl to presume i attempted suicide. the cut finger was accidental. it was coz the irritating barcardi bottlecap refused to open n i was sorta blurry at tt time. so while struggling with it n a key, the metal accidently slashed my finger. i love myself too much to self-mutilate lor.. besides, who cuts finger?!?!